But alas, here I am. Officially IN my thirties. And If I had a choice I would not go back for anything. I finally understand what it feels like to become comfortable in my own skin. I am learning to accept myself as I am, with each and every single great thing and every singe flaw.
This last year brought on a lot of changes that forced me to really sit back and evaluate where life has brought me. I was feeling like I should have all these unrealistic accomplishments. Like I have such a long way to go.......completely overlooking how far I have come!
Here is a short list:
I helped my folks run their restaurant
Went to college for criminology
Changed my mind and became a make up artist
Worked in the film industry
Went to hair school
Have been a hairdresser for 12 years
During which I have worked for Redken
Taken apprentices and helped mentor young stylists
Created training programs
Last year I opened my own business
Got married 5 years ago
Bought a house
Travelled a little
Going back to school again for my photography and interior design
Love my little dog
Lived thru a major house flood
Endured a husband travelling for work
Need I go on? And most of that happened with the last ten years. And there is more I could add to that!
My point is I felt like I was behind. That there was some secret to being more successful and fulfilled that I wasn't in on. I have gone thru some major changes personally and professionally that made me feel like I could be better. And you know what happened? I completely forgot to chill a second and appreciate what's around me.
I have wasted a lot of time mourning that my husband and I still don't have kids, that our social circle has drastically changed, our house should be bigger, our car should be better, I should have had more professional successes.
What changed? Our house flooded in August and we found ourselves "homeless" because it was so bad we had to move out. All our belongings went into storage, and we moved in with a friend. On the same day our fertility appointments went down the toilet yet again and life seemed pretty depressing. And it was the slap in the face I needed. The support I thought I could count on wasn't there. I felt abandoned and alone through the most challenging time of my life. It was hard to accept that the relationships I had valued, loved and nurtured for years had disintegrated. And when life felt pretty awful some of the most amazing people I cared about but never spent much time with came out no questions asked to stand by us. That was a huge life lesson. I had become wrapped up in the "keep up with the Jones's" mentality (which is easy to get caught in). And found myself quite humbled when I had to rely on others for help. I found a strength I didn't know I had to take charge and deal with life.
So do my thirties still seem dirty??? No I am so excited for what's to come. I am a strong, independent, smart business woman able to deal with change and adversity. I have a strong marriage with the most understanding husband who supports all my harebrained ideas. I have an amazing circle of new and old friends and a great family, my own and my in laws.
I am learning (slowly) that change is a test of strength and I feel like I am passing. And I am sharing this because I know that a lot of us feel like this. That or thirties means being sooooo grown up. Guess what we aren't yet! There is a lot of life yet to come and a lot more lessons to learn but I am feeling a little more fearless about it.
I am choosing to slow down. Nurture relationships with friends and family I care about. To slowly build and focus on my business. Jump into hobbies that make me happy. And appreciate my very full life as it is instead of trying to fill it with things that don't matter. Easier said than done but all I can do is try!
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